is it easier to get over someone or miss them everyday?

Is it easier to get over someone or miss them (a lot) everyday?

So lately that’s what’s been going through my mind.. For those who know me well you’ll know why i’m asking this.. But really, lately i’ve just been pretty bummed because I am missing someone who was such a big part of my life. Missing that person a lot. And although it’s been a couple of weeks already I still miss that person. Every single day. When I wake up, during the day, and especially right before I sleep when my mind is free to wander, like it’s doing now.. Which is why i’m writing this. But I just miss him all the time, so I need to keep myself occupied as much as i can so I don’t get too.. sad.. However, the thing is, I cant always keep myself occupied. And so my mind will always go back to how much i miss this person. And it’s really really hard.

So what do you think? would you rather get over someone you still really like, someone you love? Or miss them every day because you cant be with them? I’ve thought about it myself..

Sometimes the thought of forgetting passes by. Forgetting, letting go.. And sometimes I think, it would be easier that way. I wouldnt have to expect anything, i wouldnt get disappointed, it would be hard but eventually i’d be fine. And it would take away this constant feeling of sadness that comes and goes and comes again. I wouldnt be always waiting, always hoping, and then i wouldnt get disappointed if things dont go as I hoped. So i’ve thought about all that. About how letting go might be easier.. But the reality is, I can’t get over this person, as long as he’ll have me I know I won’t be able to be the one to let go. I just can’t get over him, he means too much to me. And what if I will be able to see him again? Just that idea keeps me from letting go, of getting over him. I just dont want to. I just cant. Its not even a question of whats easier or harder.. because it’s a question of what’s possible and whats impossible. And frankly, its not possible. Not now anyway, who know what i’ll feel in the future, who knows how we both may change.. but as of now, I cant forget him, no matter how hard it is to hold on. But why is that?? Why do I need to do whats harder? Which leads me to my next question…

When can you say that you love someone? How do you know you’re in love and that it’s the real thing? And while I have my opinions about that as well.. I will save it for another day! Because there’s already too much corniness in this post. Dont need to add anymore. :)

40 days..

So my last post is also called 40 days.. Yey!!! :D But this time it’s referring to something different.. Less than 40 days is all I have left in Dumaguete. In less than 40 days I will leave without any knowledge of when or if i’ll be coming back. I’m quite sad about it.. nah that’s an understatement.. I’m extremely over the top bawling my eyes out, emotionally deranged, forever bothered by it and dreading leaving Dumaguete. Fo sho. All my friends, all the places, the restaurants, the trees, the pedicabs, the roads, the boulevard, the ocean, the everything, I’m leaving everyythiing!! And I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I can only imagine how terrible i’ll feel in my last week, on my last day.. How will I be able to handle my last day in Dumaguete, how will I be able to say bye to everyone not knowing if i’ll ever see them again.. How will I feel looking around me and knowing that those will be my last looks of dumaguete for a long long time.. How will I be able to just say bye to Marlon, give him one last hug and walk away, not knowing when and if we’ll see each other again… How will I be able to do that.. I can’t.. I’m dreading those moments so much.. i can barely handle the thought.. What will I do once that time comes. I don’t know..

When will I be back in Dumaguete? That question really can not be answered. The sure answer would be, when I can afford it and when I have the time. And given the price of a plane ticket and travelling, that’s going to be years, a long long time. And who knows what will happen by then? Who knows how i’d feel at that time and what if I don’t even want to go back? What if I lose touch with my friends? What if absence doesn’t make the heart grow fonder, what if all absence does is make the heart forget?

And we will never know. I keep asking myself these questions but the simple answer is that I don’t know, and I will not know until that time in the future comes.

We can dream, we can fantasize we can hope and when things don’t go as we hoped all we can do is wonder what if? What if this? What if that? What if ? What if? What if? But we will never know.

So yeah.. I have my own hopes.. My own fantasies of what’s going to happen after I leave. I fantasize of reunions, and parties, and meet ups with my friends in different places all over the world. I like to imagine that one day we’ll all hang out again and go to the beach and just chill and talk and laugh about nonsense. I like to believe that me and Marlon might have a chance at our relationship. That maybe one day somehow we are in the same place again and we’d be back together again.

But being a realist, verging on pessimism, i’ve accepted the fact that things change, and people change. Plans don’t always go as planned. Things don’t always go our way or how we hoped it would go. All we can do is wonder what if.. but still, we will never know.

40 days..